The Queen Rejoices

I am spoiled. SpoiledSpoiledSpoiledSpoiled. But then, should royalty expect less? I, Queen Phatgirl am now the happy late Christmas gift recipient, courtesy of my wife and the UPS delivery guy, of a Sony portable DVD player, suitable for viewing at my gym on my Nautilus TreadClimber® TC916. Pardon me while a queen speaks like a commoner but ----

Yippee Skippee!

It's not that I haven't enjoyed moving to the groove of RuPaul singing "Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous" but after two years it was edging up on my last sweaty nerve. Now, the entire world of film media is mine! What shall it be first? Treadclimbing to vintage episodes of "Thirtysomething," weeping on the elliptical to "Terms of Endearment" or shall I say it, enjoying the sight of Grey's Anatomy's McDreamy and McSteamy while I'm PhatGirl McSweaty? Oh joy. Oh bliss. As the great theologian and all around good neighbor Mister Roger's observed "What a lovely day in the neighborhood suburban gym!"

Speaking of which, the gym I mean, this has been a full out cardio-kickin' week despite a drippy-nose-sore-throat-nasty-cough cold. I know, just the kind of gymrat you want to follow onto a piece of exercise equipment but hey, that's yet another reason why pre-moistened disposable disinfectant cloths are such a great idea!

And in other news, in getting ready to begin training again I have an upcoming visit to the podiatrist scheduled to deal forcefully, once and for all, with the ongoing exploits of The Evil Twins, those two mad-cap zany toes that began their comedic rise to fame on my first day of training last year and continue to dazzle audiences and sneakers everywhere. I've cottled them too much. Custom soles, top end powerwalking socks, cutting escape hatches in the top of brand-new running shoes, hot baths, ointment soaks, and ridiculously expensive medicine. The time has come to just end the misery and rip our little annoying knuckleheads off. Let me clarify. The toe nails, not the toes. The end. The final curtain call. Say "Goodnight Gracie."