It's understandable you're having a difficult time dealing with this photo. I suspect it's not the actual number on the bathroom scales you find disturbing but rather that anyone weighing in at such a rubenesque amount would actually put it out into the universe.
But here it is. My weight. My actual weight. Not the weight on my driver's license. And believe it or not, seeing those numbers on the scales actually make me smile rather than grimace, which only confirms the truism that perspective is everything.
Eight years when I stepped on the scales the numbers starring back at me were 325. I wasn't smiling then because even though I was living, I didn't have much of a life. There's just a whole lot you don't do, can't do, and won't do with that much excess weight unless you're a sumo wrestler or a quarterback. Now, at 198 pounds I'm smiling and I'm grateful to the bone because even though I'm still heavier than I'd ultimately like to be, I not only have a life now, but I have a life beyond my wildest dreams.
At 325 pounds I would never have considered walking a half-marathon when climbing a single flight of steps left me winded and sweaty and so that's why even today, a week after finishing my first half-marathon, I'm sitting at my computer with my medal from that event in my pocket as a reminder of yet another miracle in my life. Today I have nothing to complain about when I see 198 on the scales because I know where I started and the amazing journey that led me to where I am.
With that said, in the coming two months as I move toward the Portland Marathon in October I'm going to be focusing on losing a few more pounds and so I'll be blogging about that journey and all that means such as exercise, my plan for eating, and how the scales are moving (or not moving). I'm going to be yammering about weight loss, not because losing weight is the most important thing in my life, but because of how it's connected with my new passion in walking.
Here's the thing...there's been a shift in my thinking since walking in my first half-marathon that might seem inconsequencial to anyone else but to me it's a huge shift. See if you can follow this....my entire life losing weight for the sake of losing weight has been my primary goal. It's been the carrot (or carrot cake with cream cheese icing) dangling in front of my face, but now in the afterglow of finishing a half-marathon and looking ahead to completing a full marathon my main focus has shifted from "I'm going to walk so I can lose weight" to "I'm going to lose weight so I can walk." Losing weight is no longer the desired end result but it's the means to the desired end result of walking farther, walking faster, and walking easier. I know for every pound I lose between now and the marathon, I'm going to enjoy the experience that much more. I don't want to just finish the race, I want to have a blast doing it!
We've got some work to do kids. What say we have some fun doing it?