Monday, December 04, 2006

Monday Check - In With a Major Detour

I was there at the appointed time. D_wn, the Glutes Goddess, the Abs Administrator, the Perveyor of Pain, the Sargeant of Sweat was not. I was informed she had a fever or so the story goes. But I wonder. Could it be she has come to fear me? Let's just say that after an hour of cardio the other day, followed by 40 minutes of core training, I probably could have responded with a little less aggression when she suggested I conclude my morning with....the plank.

The plank. Who is the sick son-of-a-gun who thought this one up? I mean seriously. Either lay down or get up off the ground but make a commitment one way or the other! Oh fine, maybe the rest of you perky little runner types are all over this bad boy but for a phatgirl like me, .....the plank is nothing short of sixty seconds of misery a la elbows. I really don't think it's good to do anything that makes your glutes burn so intensely that you find yourself looking over your shoulder for a man in a flame retardant suit wielding a blowtorch. Let me offer you a piece of advice. If you're doing something that burns that badly, S-t-o-p. I-t! Besides, around forty seconds into.......the plank noises start coming out of my mouth that are disturbing at best. I suppose one could liken it to the death rattle of a lost soul tied to four stakes in the mid-day sun of the Kalahari Desert in Southern Africa at the very second they glimpse a ravenous cheetah approaching from the east and a wild-eyed leopard with an undenible agenda moving in from the west. Imagine the sub-human noise a person in such a predicament would produce and that's phatgirl from 40 through 60 seconds of......the plank. Grown men have been known to cower and weep uncontrollably at the sound.

And my point in all this, aside from listening to the clickity-click of my own keyboard that is, is to suggest that D_wn had no fever but that she was merely avoiding the unavoidable. That is, as long as she insists on....the plank.

While I didn't get on the gym scales today and thus have no weight stats, here's the rest of my check-in and people, it's so thrilling that if you're operating heavy-machinery while reading this, it's advised you pull over to the side of the road and turn the engine off before continuing.

Weekly Caloric Intake and Exercise Log
Monday, 11-27
1092 calories, 60 minutes on Tread Climber, 50 minutes cross-training

Tuesday, 11-28

1411 calories, 60 minutes on Tread Climber

Wednesday, 11-29

1423 calories, 60 minutes on Tread Climber, 45 minutes cross-training

Thursday, 11-30
1173 calories, 60 minutes on Tread Climber

Friday, 12-1

1475 calories, 40 minutes on Tread Climber, 50 minutes cross-training

Saturday, 12-2

1261 calories, rest day

Sunday, 12-3
1490 calories, 60 minutes on Tread Climber


  1. I need more calories. It's been recommended I consume 1485 calories for three days in a row and then 1900 on day four. Rinse. Repeat. I'm not intentionally coming in on the low side but by the time evening comes I'm not wanting to dump in calories just to dump them in. As a solution, I'm probably going to try and eat a little more than my usual yogurt and fruit breakfast, probably by adding in some grain.
  2. The good news is that in terms of the Three Amigos (carbs, fat, and protein) I'm falling right into the recommended percentages though the protein percentage could still be a wee on the higher side.
  3. As you might have already guessed D_wn is adorable, funny, professional, and very motivating. In other words, she's ideal as a trainer but much too Pollyanna for a blog and so I take creative license whenever the mood strikes and the mood strikes without ceasing. Maybe if she's drop.....the plank, I would be willing to negotiate a more favorable portrayal in the future. Until that time, she will remain so much blog fodder.


jeanne said...

hey, could you please try to spice up your writing a bit with a few, say, colorful metaphors??

i laughed so hard i cried.

Diana said...

You're too funny. I thought I trained hard, but you may be outdoing me. Stop that!