Friday, December 15, 2006

There's More than 10 Years Between 40 and 50

Today is my birthday. I'm allowed to be reflective and sentimental. I make no apologies.

I don't remember every detail of my 40th birthday but I remember enough. I was 325+ pounds and uncomfortable in my own skin. I was living in a house that never felt like a home. I had a job that was unfulfilling. I was in a relationship that never felt like love and was doomed from the start. I was unhappy. I was miserable. I excelled in self-loathing and was in every likelihood not the best candidate for a friend. I was, and I put this mildly, a physical, emotional and spiritual car crash. A bad one.

Ten years later and another world, another life. I weigh just under 200 pounds and enjoy moving this body, pushing this body, living in this body. I live in a home that feels like a home; a safe place in the world and sometimes from the world. I have a job that's meaningful and ministry that fulfills me, and I'm blessed beyond measure to be in a relationship that feels like love because it is love; the truest of love. A love I never could have anticipated and would have never had the nerve to ask for had I even known such love was possible. I'm more than happy. I'm overjoyed by my life and grateful for even the messy days, even the knock-you-down-and-suck-the-air-out-of-your-lungs days. I'm awed God has done all this for me, been so generous with me, so thoughtful of me. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And here is a simple thing but a wonderful thing. The best moment of my 50th birthday was this. . .listening to a message on the phone from my mom singing "Happy Birthday." Her voice was raspy and weak and the tune at times a tad off pitch but it would have put the Vienna Boys Choir to shame with it's sweetness.

7 comments:

jeanne said...

happy birthday, anita! i'm so glad you are at such a wonderful place in life! i can think of no one more deserving.

Anonymous said...

Happy 50 Anita!!
May the next 10+ be even more joyful!!
Vic
PS I got your check for the clinic today...cant' wait

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Congratulations on really living your life. That's so wonderful!

Run Momma said...

Happy Birthday!!!!

Eric said...

Happy Birthday, Aunt Ni'.

See you soon!

Jules said...

Blessings and Happy Birthday Anita!
~Jules

Anita said...

Muchas gracious mi poco peeps for your kindness....and wow....even my handsome and ultra talented nephew! Sweet!